


Caught

by Rhys (rhyssj)



Category: NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-10-12
Updated: 2001-10-12
Packaged: 2019-04-19 20:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14244801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhyssj/pseuds/Rhys
Summary: Boy on film.





	Caught

Justin remembered the call because it came late at night, and he'd answered it even thought it was Chris's cell phone, but Chris was just sitting there, ignoring it. Justin had this thing about ringing phones. He just had to answer them, so he picked it up and said, 

"Hello?" 

It turned out to be one of Chris's FuMan people, who all seemed to have exotic names Justin always screwed up saying so he just forgot he ever knew them in the first place. He handed the phone to Chris, who looked up, annoyed. 

"It's for you," Justin said, like it wasn't obvious, and Chris snatched away the phone, putting it to his ear. Justin tried not to eavesdrop, or rather, tried not to make it obvious. He flipped through the channels, lost himself in the hum of the bus and pretended he cared about boring old CNN news. 

"No," Chris said, in that way that actually meant no, and not the no Chris always told Justin when Justin bugged him to hang or play the PS2. When Chris said no to Justin, he really meant yes. Justin could tell the difference. "No, I'm not interested. Pilvi, Pilvi, listen to me, don't you dare patch me through. Fuck!" 

Pilvi, Justin thought, running it through his head. His friends were all boring, except for Lance, who was lamely named, and Trace, who couldn't be cool because Justin knew him too well. Justin flipped to MTV, and smirked. Backstreet. _Booooring_. 

"What? Yeah, it's me. And no, I said no." Chris stood up and stepped over Justin, and Justin continued to listen to him for as long as he could, right up until the moment Chris kicked JC out of the bunk area and slammed the door behind him. 

~~~ 

Joey knew about it before any of them, and he teased Chris ruthlessly until Chris punched Joey in the gut and called him fatty. Chris stalked out of the Toy Room with a snarl, and Joey was left to explain how some fancy art magazine begged Chris for a photoshoot and hadn't let up until he finally agreed. 

"They wanted him?" Justin asked, then had to apologise quickly because, "no, no, it's not like I'm jealous, because that's stupid, yo, but. Chris? That's kind of weird, you know. He's not really into stuff like that," and everyone nodded quietly, agreeing even though they didn't want to say it. Chris was really weird about getting caught on film these days. 

But he was doing it, next Wednesday Joey said, and that was that. 

~~~ 

Chris wouldn't talk about it. If Justin tried to bring it up and share solo-photoshoot stories, Chris called him a -- "annoying little twit" -- which Justin supposed was all right because he'd punched Joey and called him a cruel name over the same thing. 

"When does it come out?" Justin asked, and Chris shrugged. Justin didn't even know which magazine it was for, and he didn't think Chris would tell him anyway. Chris was being a real bastard about the whole thing. "Why is it such a big secret, man? I'm sure it'll be cool." 

Chris got up and kicked JC out of the bunks again. Justin's teeth rattled when the door slammed shut, and JC slept on the couch instead, long and lithe. 

~~~ 

Justin told Britney about the photoshoot, and she promised to keep an eye out for it because she was into pretentious art magazines. They talked for a good two hours about life in general and how they planned on meeting up for the VMAs in September to keep up appearances. 

Two months later, the magazine showed up. 

~~~ 

Justin's assistant brought it to him in a sealed priority package from Britney, and he opened it up in the Quiet Room, ready to duck into the washroom if Chris showed up, but Justin figured he and Joey were probably out skateboarding or something, pissing off the promoters. 

Britney's scrawled note said it wouldn't be on the newsstand for another week or so, but she had connections and got it early. It was some glossy, over-priced photography magazine that shined when the light hit it. Justin opened it carefully, fingers barely skirting the edges. 

On page thirty-six, there was Chris's face, half eaten by shadows, in soft hues of grey. He was looking somewhere beyond Justin, but his eyes were intense anyway. There was an article, too, about Chris and them and his life, but Justin knew all about that and went straight to the pictures. 

When the doorknob jiggled, Justin dropped the magazine then kicked it under the bed, flopping onto the futon and hoping he looked sleepy and disoriented. JC climbed over him, tucking himself against the wall, and quickly went to sleep. 

~~~ 

After the show, Justin grabbed the magazine and stuffed it into his bag then ran to the bus, knowing they had hours on the road ahead because the next city was a good day and a bit away. Justin supposed they could fly, but he liked the calm rumble of the bus's engine. 

JC was on the couch, eating a stack of cheese and crackers, and Chris was sitting in the kitchenette, plugged into his walkman and doing a crossword puzzle. Justin sighed, they were so boring, and went into his bunk, yawning loudly for show. 

Flicking on the overhead light, he climbed into the little pocket of space and pulled out the wrinkled magazine. It felt so sleek and slippery on his fingers, and he wished pettily that someone would put him in a glossy stock magazine. 

Justin stared at Chris's face again, and he ran his fingers over Chris's lips, tracing the arc of them then he took a deep breath and flipped to the next page. He squeaked quietly then calmed down, trying not to act suspicious at all. Instead, he felt like a dirty old man, looking at these pictures and not telling Chris. 

So Chris was naked. Justin could handle that, and it wasn't like he was flapping his dick around or anything. The first picture was him up against a wall, legs crossed, arms crossed, hands cupping his groin as he looked down. Justin thought Chris looked really uncomfortable, then he thought, no, Chris just looked really shy. 

The picture on the opposite page was Chris sitting on the ground, his body folded over itself with a short leg stretched out. The expanse of his back was wide and pale, and Chris was looking at the floor again. Justin scrutinised it closely, amazed at how elegant Chris looked when he wasn't at all. The man Justin knew was short and stocky and heavyset, a mean little guy who could kick the ass of anyone who pissed him off. 

Justin felt like an incredible pervert suddenly and closed the magazine, putting it under his mattress and lying back. His skin felt like it was crawling but not entirely in a bad way, more like his blood was dancing and warm, rushing around on this sudden high. 

Chris came into the bunk area and climbed into his bed, and Justin turned off his light then got naked and slipped under the covers. Above him, Chris was rolling around, and Justin heard his clothes hit the ground, knew Chris was naked, too. 

Justin didn't sleep too well once he knew that. 

~~~ 

Even when the magazines hit the shelves, Chris didn't say anything at all, but Lance was watching Entertainment Tonight and caught wind of it. He bought five copies and gave them out while Chris ignored the bewildered looks, his magazine unopened and sitting on his lap. 

"Dude, you're naked," Joey said, holding up the two page shot which was Chris facing the camera, head tilted and smiling crookedly, the corner of his mouth just slightly lifted. His legs and arms were folded up in each other, and the shadows and his feet hide all the naughty bits. It was Justin's favourite picture, the only one where Chris didn't look like he was ashamed of himself but like he was sharing a private joke instead. 

"These are gorgeous," JC said, flipping through the pages and staring at each photograph for a good five minutes. Lance nodded, stopping to read the article, and Chris sighed deeply, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "No, really, man. You look exquisite." 

"Dude, you're fucking naked," Joey repeated. "You have balls, man. I couldn't do it." 

JC stopped on the picture of Chris in the ocean, arms crossed over his chest, and it was the one that made Justin cringe because Chris looked so cold and self-conscious and beautiful, all at once. Justin hoped the photographer was the nicest man in existence because Chris looked really exposed and raw in that one, in all of them really. Justin knew Chris hated that. 

"Man, you're really beautiful," JC said and smiled at Chris, and Chris shrugged, staring out the window. "Hey, Justin. You haven't even opened yours yet." 

"I've seen it already," Justin said quietly, and Chris stared at him, long and hard. 

Justin refused to look away. 

~~~ 

Justin was only a little bit guilty when one day, while he sat on the john, he picked up the magazine to read through it and found himself jerking off. Justin was pretty much in there just for some peace and quiet because Chris was a moody bastard and JC was doing a Jane Fonda yoga tape. In his mind, he reasoned they drove him to this. 

Justin would admit to anyone, if they ever asked and they hadn't yet, that he'd only been in love with Chris since a month after his sixteenth birthday, and he would even admit that most of the time when he was beating off, he was thinking of Chris anyway. The pictures just made it easier to see in his head, all sexual and beautiful. 

Chris was just so fucking hot in this magazine, and it pissed Justin off that Chris didn't see it. He wouldn't talk about it and got mad sometimes when JC chattered about framing a couple of the prints to hang on the wall of the bus. 

Justin sighed and spread his legs, his jeans around his ankles. Fingers wrapped around his cock, furiously working it while chomping on a towel so he wasn't noisy, Justin came harder than he had in years. He could feel it in his toes. 

Chris looked up when Justin came out of the bathroom. 

Justin smiled and went back to the bunks for a nap. 

He beat off there, too. 

~~~ 

One night, Chris went into the washroom to take a piss and came out screeching. JC, who was already jittery from watching Justin get mauled on stage again, yelped and dropped the milk everywhere and jumped out of the way when Chris tried to grab him. 

"Which one of you fuckers is responsible for this?" Chris screamed, tossing the magazine on the table, and it flipped open to the centre spread. In the corner, right by Chris's left foot, was a splotch of dried jism. Oops, Justin thought, way to sneak around, Timberlake. 

"Maybe it's toothpaste," JC suggested helpfully. 

"I know what it is," Chris said, "and that's fucking spunk." 

Chris looked at Justin, and Justin tried not to squirm, then Chris turned to JC, who was biting his fingers and looking scared. JC glanced at Justin, and Justin knew that JC understood whose it was, but JC wasn't a rat and wouldn't tell. 

"Fuck," Chris said and collapsed on the couch, putting his face in his hands. Justin felt bad, but he didn't think it was all that huge a deal. Shouldn't Chris be flattered someone thought he was that hot? Justin always was. "I can't believe you. I can't. Jesus, fuck, Jayce!" 

JC looked out the window and shrugged, and Chris hissed angrily, really fucking mad about it, and started moving toward JC, ready to get in his face and scream. Justin didn't want that to happen, not over this, because JC always took it really personally when people raised their voices at him and was sniffly for days. 

"It wasn't him," Justin blurted out. "It was me, Chris. I'm sorry." 

Chris snapped his head around so fast that Justin heard his neck crack. "You?" 

"Me," Justin said, "sorry." 

Chris narrowed his eyes. "Why?" 

"Why?" Justin repeated, incredulous. "Um, hello? You're hot, yo, and like. naked, and fuck, man, I don't have to explain it to you, but just don't yell at Jayce, all right? You're mad at me, so stop being a dick to him." 

Chris looked at JC apologetically, and JC nodded, legs folded to his chest. 

"You have a girlfriend," Chris said slowly, and Justin nodded. 

"Well, yeah, but like. I'm her beard," Justin said slowly, looking at JC, whose jaw was dropped and eyes were wide. Chris was glaring at him, that _liar liar_ look he always wore when Justin was playing him, but Justin was actually telling the truth now. "She's into chicks. She's had a girlfriend for, like, four years." 

"Cool," JC said. He and Joey both liked lesbians. a lot. 

Chris was piecing it together, Justin could tell by the way the space between his eyebrows wrinkled, and Justin rubbed at his nose, waiting for it. It wasn't quite like he imagined. Chris wasn't staring at him lustfully, demanding him to confess his secret desire. "So what's she doing for you, Justin?" 

"She's my beard," Justin said slowly, "I'm so obviously gay, guys, come on." 

JC made a happy noise and seemed to forget his mortal fear of Chris, lunging at Justin and hugging him around the neck. JC loved everybody equally, and Justin knew it. Justin also knew JC knew anyway because he stopped using gender pronouns years ago, but it was another thing to confirm. JC looked ecstatic. 

"But you can't tell anybody, okay?" Justin said seriously. "Nobody knows except my parents, Brit's mom, Johnny, Britney's manager and Brit's girl. She's really nice," Justin added, trying to smile about this even though he felt uncomfortable. Chris was looking at Justin like he was a freak or something. 

They lapsed into an extremely uncomfortable silence, and JC took the hint, pressing a quick kiss to Justin's head before dancing off to the bunks, shutting the door. Chris looked at Justin, and Justin looked back then joined him on the couch. 

"I made things weird, didn't I?" Justin asked, and Chris nodded. yes. "Oh. I'm sorry. Like, there are some things you're not supposed to know, and I should have noticed I blew my load on your foot. So, yeah, I'm sorry." 

They sat there for a little bit longer, tapping their feet in unison, and Justin waited for Chris to get up and leave so Justin could wallow a bit in his misery and eat fatty, greasy, tasty foods until he felt better. 

"I'm bi," Chris said finally. 

"Cool," Justin said and smiled. 

They didn't say anything else, though, and Chris got up and left. 

~~~ 

Britney and Liz, her girlfriend who looked a lot like Lance from five years ago, showed up after the Louisville show, and Justin invited them onto the bus for diet cokes and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Liz and Justin put them together while Britney talked to Chris and JC. 

"I'm happy you guys know," Britney said as Justin brought in the sodas and set them down on the ground. Liz followed with the sandwiches then sat next to Britney, grinning when Britney tugged her close by the hips when she kneeled up to grab Britney some food. "It's a pain in the ass to hide my girl, you know?" 

Liz beamed at Britney, and Britney kissed her on the nose. Inside, Justin's heart twitched, and he was envious, not that Chris was the type to kiss noses or anything, but he was the type to throw Justin over his shoulder and slap his ass until he cried uncle. Still, Justin didn't mind what Chris did because he did it nicely with great affection and care. 

"Justin needs someone though," Britney said, "he's like a nun." 

"I am not like a nun," Justin said, rolling his eyes. "I just. Um." 

"Wack off in the bathroom twice a day," JC said, grinning, and Justin shoved him hard, laughing. JC, who never weighed as much as he should, fell over onto his sandwich and squirted jelly all over his arm and his pants. "Fuck, man. Now I'm all sticky." 

JC wandered off to clean up, and Justin grinned at Britney and Liz then looked at Chris, who was blatantly staring. He stopped when Justin caught him, and Justin's chest tightened again. That second where he turned away, the light hit his face so perfectly that Justin was reminded again of the magazine. 

Chris was so fucking beautiful. Justin was just so in love with him. 

~~~ 

Chris kissed him in the kitchenette when Justin wasn't ready for it. He'd just eaten a lot of garlic and thought his mouth tasted like ass, but there Chris was, a hand tucked against Justin's hip as he kissed him, a little bit hesitant like he expected to get rejected. 

When Chris pulled back, Justin caught him by the waist and held him there. There wasn't much else to do then but kiss again, and the second time was even better. Justin had always been sure that when it happened, they would fit together perfectly, and they really did, right down to the way Chris ran a hand up his side and pressed the space right below his left armpit. 

JC came in later and promptly left again, hand clamped over his eyes. Justin barely recognised the interruption, for he was sitting on Chris at the time and slowly sinking onto him, rolling his hips to find the perfect spot. Chris looked kind of dazed, his hands wrapped around Justin's arms as they stretched out and rested on Chris's stocky shoulders. 

Justin kissed Chris when he came and said, "love you, Chris," like he'd been waiting his entire life to say it, and he pretty much had. 

~~~ 

Justin was reading the art magazine when Chris woke up and looked around. Justin was on the couch, bare as the day he was born, with his legs propped up on the armrest while he read the article about Chris, which was actually pretty good and insightful. 

Justin liked it best when Chris said he didn't feel complete unless one of them was around, liked it even more when Chris talked about how he and Justin got bikes and rode for hours in the early morning. Those were some of Justin's favourite moments in life, when the world was calm and quiet and filled to the brim with Chris's secret smile. 

"Hey," Justin said brightly as Chris approached him. Chris looked down at himself and seemed to realise he was naked, and that expression that he wore in all the photographs came back, so Justin wrapped his hand around Chris's wrist and pulled him to the couch. They kissed, close-mouthed. 

"Why are you looking at that again?" Chris asked, touching his fingers to the image of his own face, and Justin looked at him like he was stupid. 

"Because you're hot," Justin repeated, "and you're smart here, too, in this interview. I've never read it before. I was too busy looking at the shoot." Justin smiled until Chris smiled back then flipped to the centre spread. "This one's my favourite." 

Chris peered at it. "Why?" 

"You're smiling," Justin said, touching the pad of his finger to Chris's mouth on the paper. "And, like, you look comfortable here. The others, it's like you don't want people to see you, but this one. This is you. Look at your eyes. You're laughing." 

"I was telling him about the time Busta crapped in your bed," Chris said. 

"Dumb dog," Justin said affectionately and kissed Chris on the nose. It was as weird as Justin feared it would be, but Chris suddenly smiled really hard, and Justin was glad he'd done it. "But I also like this one," Justin flipped to the one where Chris was against the wall, looking down, "and this one makes me feel like maybe you don't know how beautiful you are." 

Chris stared at the one of himself in the water. "I felt like an idiot." 

"I don't understand why," Justin said. "We all told you looked good." 

Chris snorted. "You're my friends. You have to say that." 

"But I meant it," Justin said seriously and tucked his head against Chris's neck to kiss him right under the ear. Chris was warm and big and beautiful, and Justin turned into him, arching his back when Chris's arm snaked behind it. "You're fine now with being naked." 

"I'm pretty close to freaking out here," Chris admitted. 

"Do you love me?" Justin asked, and Chris nodded, his muscles relaxing slightly, his body moulding against Justin's in that perfect-fit way again. "Then don't freak out. Just go with it because now we can be gorgeous together, you know?" 

"Ego," Chris said and grinned. 

In the back of the bus, they heard JC say, "can you guys, like, put some clothes on or something? I'm really hungry, and like, hello, I'm scarred enough." There was a pause then JC added, "but you really are beautiful together. And Chris, he's right. You're totally hot, man." 

Chris tried to hide his smile, but Justin just loved him more when he caught it.


End file.
